


Whatever I Want

by jyooliang



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Humor, M/M, Two Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 07:14:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17137361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jyooliang/pseuds/jyooliang
Summary: “I wanted to thank you for your help, once again.”“Had to be done,” the model smiled politely, then realised he couldn't say the name of the man in front of him and tilted his head to the side, “I have no idea who you are, sorry.”“I’m Yukhei, Wong Yukhei.” the younger beamed: “You can call me Lucas, if you’re more comfortable with it. Probably not, since you’re Japanese–I also go by Xuxi, just in case.”Just as he wanted to laugh off his confusing –hopefully funny– introduction, Yukhei fell silent in front of the look of total perplexity on Yuta’s face.“What’s your name again?”“Just–whatever you want.”





	1. SEOUL/TOKYO

**Author's Note:**

> Just something I felt like writing to ease the stress of my exams period, even though I have been far away from writing since almost a year now. Hopefully you'll have fun reading as I had writing and HOPEFULLY you'll give this underrated ship some love, will you? 
> 
> Enjoy ☞♡☜
> 
> PS: Merry Christmas everyone 🌱🌲

 

Yukhei thought it was an honour he got invited to one of the most glamorous and prominent events of the season –he among all people– and in a foreign country, too. Being a young nineteen years old student with too many passions to choose an actual path to follow, modeling had to be one of the hobbies he enjoyed the most, even after having decided it was not a career he would have liked to pursue. He simply enjoyed experimenting, living new experiences with no prejudices and why not, being told he was handsome for how much he was one of those people who couldn’t stay still for more than a minute, let alone acting cool and composed enough to work with fashion. Still, a few years earlier, he had caught the eyes of the young and promising fashion photographer Jung Jaehyun, who had been sent in Hong Kong –Yukhei’s homeplace– to immortalise the beauty of the boy’s parents and their home after being titled ‘people of the year’ by different notorious magazines across Asia. Yukhei was proud of his parents, proud beyond words, and remembered having spent that day following Jung Jaehyun’s crew around their pretty home as they transformed the spacious living room into a real set: lights, cameras, everything needed to let the photo session begin.

“Would you like your son to join for a photo?” Jung Jaehyun had asked hours into work, enjoying the way Yukhei’s face fell in embarrassment and his parents’ ones beamed at the proposal.

“We would love to.”

The Wong loved their son dearly and even though Yukhei had never shown interest in joining them into their successful business anytime soon, they still wanted people to know they did.

It was the first time the young boy had experienced such things: makeup, accurate dressing, lights, camera angles, all the things he had only randomly seen in tv shows were happening and – he found out – being part of it excited him.

“So you have no interest in joining your parents, have you?” Jung Jaehyun asked him that afternoon, and Yukhei thought he had a natural talent in making people feel at ease. “Maybe you are not that interested in Thai cuisine.”

Young Yukhei simply shrugged, closing in his shoulders. “I really don’t know what I’m interested in yet.”

“You should consider modeling.”

It all started with that sincere, almost friendly advice from the Korean photographer, who later that day sent an email to Yukhei’s father to ask if he could arrange a small photoshoot for Yukhei to keep if he ever wanted to pursue that career.

Three years later, Yukhei was simply enjoying college, majoring in languages and occasionally posing to start becoming more independent without disturbing his parents –still busy opening restaurants all across the continent– and make them proud. The news of his Seoul Fashion Week’s offer arrived when Jung Jaehyun called, informing he had already made a reservation for him and he could not decline. Why would he, anyway? He had kept in touch with Jaehyun since the first day, he could have visited Seoul and faced a new experience: he was definitely going.

 

“If you want to follow me around, just know we’re having some busy months.”

Jaehyun picking him up at the airport had been a huge surprise, yet the way he immediately started talking business made Yukhei laugh.

“You never stop, do you?” halfway between admired and scared, the boy still nodded, “What’s on the schedule?”

He saw Jaehyun smile shyly behind his cup of coffee, almost like he knew even friends he could only occasionally meet could notice his workaholic attitude. The photographer then took a neat agenda out his satchel bag and proceeded to take a look across the pages.

“Tokyo’s Fashion Week in two weeks, Hong Kong one next month and the grand opening of Kim Doyoung’s newest clubs in Seoul, Tokyo and Hong Kong until the end of next month.” he looked up at Yukhei expectantly, not noticing the look of confusion on the boy’s face. “These are even bigger than Fashion Week itself, you should come.”

“Who the hell is Kim Doyoung?”

To that, Jaehyun fell into a little embarrassed laugh. Kim Doyoung was a young, brilliant millionaire entrepreneur who had begun his journey with the financial help of his family before working on an innovative streaming platform which led him to become the youngest 'man of the year' in the history of South Korea. Good with numbers and technology, he had now decided to launch three exclusive clubs in the most globally interesting cities of the east, partnering up with major fashion brands to also promote a personal collection, a collaboration with fashion icons, idols, and brands sponsoring the big events. Yukhei blinked in absolute disbelief as he learnt about the young genius, uncaring of Jaehyun calling him ‘cute’ at that.

“I mean yeah, of course I want to come.”

 

-

 

The Fashion Week experience made Yukhei enthusiast and grateful at the same time, him looking around the big spaces with huge eyes and snapping photos every spare second he got. He would send those to his parents and close friends –the girl he was seeing too– whereas he noticed all the other models seemed busy with their social accounts, vlogs and partnering for fans’ pleasure. In times like those, he felt like a fish out of the water, his disinterest in getting noticed and making a name out of himself forcing him to realise most of those people were somehow following their dreams, trying hard, giving their everything while him-he was just living the experience mindlessly. He thought, at times, he did not deserve to be there.

There was not much time to burden himself in such thoughts, though, as Jaehyun minded to inform him that the first launching event in Kim Doyoung’s agenda was only later that night.

“Couldn’t you tell me?” Yukhei pouted as they rushed back to his hotel room to get himself ready for the night, forcing a yawn away. Jaehyun sent him an apologetic look and ruffled his hair affectionately, gesturing him to finish his coffee, to which the younger made a face. “You know I hate it...”

“It’s not like you had time to sleep more this morning,” the photographer tried to make him notice just before he went looking at his phone and forgot to continue, making Yukhei laugh.

“You look so stressed, hyung.” and he smiled. He loved calling Jaehyun that and he knew the older liked it too. Stressed indeed, though, Jaehyun just sighed and took a sip of his coffee, welcoming their arrival at the hotel with a breathy 'Finally' that made Kim Doyoung’s club opening look like a big event indeed.

 

The couple of friends spent the upcoming hour getting ready, with Jaehyun taking care of minor makeup adjustments and hairstyle before he got all dressed up in a fine black suit.

“Wait,” Yukhei said then, “What am I wearing?”

“Ah, damn it.”

Just like he had been reminded of the most important, missing detail, Jaehyun went back to his phone and furiously started texting someone. Yukhei later learnt he was ‘quarreling’ with Johnny Suh, an American radio DJ who had established himself in Korea a few years earlier, mainly offering international fans daily opportunities to communicate with their favourite idols through his radio program. Yukhei had no idea who the man was, but he turned out to be tall and handsome, gentle-looking and –at the time of their first meeting– impossibly sweaty and breathless.

“Fuck traffic.” Johhny hissed as he tried to ignore Jaehyun’s scolding look while gaining his breath back, stretching a hand at Yukhei. “Nice to meet you, man.”

Yukhei shook hands and offered to bring him a glass of water but Jaehyun quickly put the clothes Johnny had brought in his arms and sent him away, claiming they were going to be late.

“Why such a hurry anyway?” the question had Jaehyun looking at Johnny quite deadly, forcing the man to elaborate, “I mean, Kim Doyoung’s not gonna look at us. The rest of the people-we meet them every day.”

“You know I like to be on time.” Jaehyun then crossed his arms and tried to understand what was annoying him about Johnny’s overall appearance. “And Kim Doyoung may not look at us, but we’ll still be there on time, don’t be such a baby.”

Johnny just slightly shrugged, Jaehyun still studying his figure attentively. “Do you think it’s true?” he asked and right then, the photographer decided they had to exchange their bow ties.

“I think it is.”

“What’s true?” Yukhei cut in, back from the bathroom and finally fully clothed. The curious look on his face reminded the two men he could not be updated on such local gossips. Contented with his definitive appearance, though, Jaehyun simply smiled and gave him a thumb up, then grabbed on Yukhei’s phone to immortalise the moment and ordered him to send the photo to his mother. The younger boy pouted, nodding, then tossed his phone back on his bed.

“Something’s wrong?” Johnny asked as they walked out of the room, but Yukhei dismissed it with a big smile.

“So, what were you guys talking about?”

He would most likely listen to his friends talking about something he had no clue about than worrying over his girl claiming some lack of attention.

 

The gossip turned out –unsurprisingly– to be around Kim Doyoung, and Yukhei thought it wasn't even a gossip, to be completely honest.

“So what if he’s gay?” he genuinely asked later that night, the event already launched and party flawlessly ongoing. This club-thing seemed just as big as Jaehyun had informed, with the spacious three-floors building echoing with loud live music and people performing on a stage in the upper front part. A small runway ran through the middle of the hall where the bar was, already fully crowded. Yukhei was still trying to get himself something to drink when Johnny explained, looking around cautiously: Kim Doyoung was seen standing at the first floor of the oval long balconies, but he still felt like being cautious talking about him. 

“That’s pretty much something that would be problematic, you know. Korea isn’t that open-minded on such topics.”

“Can you please stop looking around like you committed some crimes,” Jaehyun snorted with slight annoyance as Johnny talked, “The entire club is talking about him anyway and he knows it.”

“Well, that’s ugly, isn’t?”

“But you’re still doing it.”

Yukhei looked at them funny, trying to keep his laugh silent and composed behind the palm of his hand. The wish for a drink was gone by now, as there was nothing he seemed to like. He may have been fully grown up, but he was still a big baby who didn’t enjoy drinks and alcohol that much. He raised his eyes up to Kim Doyoung’s figure a moment later and wondered what it could have felt like to be this successful, famous and rich at such a young age. He saw the young man holding a glass of some sort of fine wine -perfectly dressed up and humming to the music while attentively watching the artists perform- and was surrounded by a few metres of emptiness. Since the beginning of the party, Yukhei hadn’t really seen him chatting that much. Instead, Kim Doyoung simply made his short introductory speech and left the party to go on its own, grabbing a drink and isolating himself as much as he could. Yukhei couldn't help but wonder if that was the price to pay for fame.

 

His train of thoughts stopped when the last performer stood to collect his cheers from the audience then spoke up, thanking the man of the night with a huge smile and informing that the private runway for Kim Doyoung’s fashion collection was about to take place. To Yukhei, it all seemed like rollercoasters, way too many things happening altogether.

“What is this about?” he asked Jaehyun and Johnny then, following as they gestured to leave the crowded bar to find a new spot to enjoy the show better. Jaehyung needed to capture the models without having to struggle, after all.

“It’s still kind of a surprise, we just know it’s a collaboration among local stylists and Doyoung-nim’s platform.”  Johnny explained.

As the models –both male and female ones– started walking the runway with the music still running and lights fully focusing on them, the entire club fell silent, only a few loud sounds of pleased surprise could be heard now and then. The collection seemed beautiful, incorporating high-class fashion with visually appealing features which clearly recalled technology and music. The main focus on accessorizes –with the wore item sponsored on the big screen behind the stage– had people claiming their interest already and it could be easily told that Kim Doyoung was facing another big success in his brilliant career. Yuhkei held back his urge to clap and cheer, well knowing how uncomfortable it would have been for the models to be struck by sudden noises. He blinked in confusion when Jaehyun suddenly rushed forward with his camera and Johnny moved closer to whisper in Yukhei’s ear. “It’s Yuta.”

Yukhei kept his eyes on the runway but still raised a brow, “Who?”

“Nakamoto Yuta. Kim Doyoung’s favourite.”

 

Whoever he was, Nakamoto Yuta surely appeared to be the hot issue of the evening. ‘Save the best for last’ really was a thing, Yukhei had learnt over the past year as an occasional model, but he was dead sure he had never seen such a mind-blowing ‘best’ his entire life. The model was glorious, not tall as most of his colleagues but graced by such a confident and breath-taking appearance no one would even notice his petit appearance. He held an intense stare behind long dark bangs as he walked, almost as he could cut the air with a knife. Yukhei couldn’t tell about the people all around him but he felt like they were all simultaneously holding their breaths. The model then stopped where he was supposed to, stretched his neck while plopped his weight on one side long enough for everyone to catch every detail of his outfit, of his everything: he was wearing tight white pants and a crop top who urged to focus on the details of a white, silky kimono which fell longer on his back. Loose on sculptured, narrow shoulders, the piece of clothing gifted the audience with glimpses of a toned, rosy body that Nakamoto Yuta confidently exhibited before turning around to walk back and declare the end of the runway.

“Stunning.” Jaehyun breathed with pure admiration as he captured the last moments of the man’s strut, and for how much Yukhei didn’t hear him, their thoughts perfectly matched.

 

No one had noticed what kind of item Nakamoto Yuta was wearing.

 

 

-

 

 

The Tokyo Fashion Week started off as a nightmare for Yukhei but, luckily enough, he was a young man with a high spirit and knocking him off was not an easy task. Jaehyun had informed he couldn’t join him if not on the first day of the actual event, and he was visibly sorry about it. To apologise for leaving the younger alone in such a difficult situation, he had booked Yukhei’s flight, his staying, paid everything by himself even though the younger honestly didn’t feel that discouraged. Yukhei felt grateful.

Little did he know that being alone during rehearsal would have meant to be treated like absolute shit. With no sponsor or agency holding his back and without a name for himself, Yukhei learnt that being a no one in that industry meant to be ignored, isolated in a bare dressing room with no company and no makeup artist nor stylist showing off anytime soon. And no food –to make it all worst– something he couldn’t survive without. He spent hours pouting, looking at his reflexion in the mirror with his stomach growling and impatience growing, until a small woman yelling in Japanese burst in with his clothes and some makeup products in hands. The woman left everything on the closest couch and stared at a dumbfounded Yukhei, rolling her eyes.

“We have no enough staff! Do it yourself, do it yourself!”

She gestured for him to hurry then slammed the door closed, Yukhei staring back and shrugging the situation off. Not even fifteen minutes later –minutes the boy had spent trying to apply a decent amount of the right, apparently nonexistent shade of foundation on his face and neck– the woman came back and ordered him to follow her after picking up his stuff, leaving Yukhei unable to believe his eyes.

“Didn’t you say-”

“Nakamoto-san protested.” she cut him off shortly, urging him to follow her down the hallway incredibly fast for a woman her height. Yukhei made a face. _That_ Nakamoto?

Apparently yes, he found out soon after he entered his new, shared dressing room. Nakamoto Yuta -the model who managed to steal everyone’s attention only a few days earlier- was right there and before Yukhei could even register the news, the man got into what seemed like a small quarrel with the lady. The 'fight' resulting in her bowing to both them and consequentially leaving the room quickly. Yukhei stood there, stupid, with his stuff still in arms and his eyes fixed on the only other person in the small, warmer room.

“These idiots think they can treat you like shit.” he heard Nakamoto Yuta hiss as he fixed his hair by the mirror, apparently unbothered by the pair of eyes staring at him. Yukhei found his voice to be surprisingly pleasing, in perfect balance with the pleasing appearance the model had been graced with. “I told them they can fuck themselves. My staff is coming. You okay?”

Yukhei probably took quite too long to wake up from the trance he had fallen into because when he did, Nakamoto Yuta had a brow raised at him.

“Sorry, I–yeah, thank you? I mean, thank you for this.”

He was blabbering, and it didn’t make the other change his expression. Instead, Nakamoto Yuta just shrugged, grabbed his jacket and made to leave. “You’re welcome.”

It took Yukhei a whole three minutes to unfreeze from his position in the middle of the room, and he had no idea why.

 

“That tall boy you helped yesterday, he’s arrived.”

Yuta looked up at his ‘assistant’ from the mirror, visibly confused. In moments like those, he hated the presence of an unwanted assistant by his side even more. The only thing helping was the fact that Lee Taeil was too much of a precious human being for him to be annoyed. He looked into the man’s eyes, always so full of uneasiness, and blamed it all on Doyoung instead.

“Can I let him?” Taeil supplied when Yuta uncaringly went back to his hair.

“It’s his room, too. He doesn’t need a permit.”

Taeil nodded quickly, and just as quickly he rushed to the door, opening it for Yukhei to enter. He widened his eyes when the young boy greeted them with beaming enthusiasm.

After having spent the previous night wondering what had gotten into him, Yukhei woke up that morning eager to start over again, back to himself. He bowed to both men in the room before he stopped by Yuta’s chair and held out his hand.

“I wanted to thank you for your help, once again.”

Both Yuta and Taeil stared at the stretched hand in evident bewilderedness. “Had to be done,” the model smiled politely, then realized he couldn't say the name of the man in front of him and tilted his head to the side, “I have no idea who you are, sorry.” 

“I’m Yukhei, Wong Yukhei.” the younger beamed: he found it somehow an honour that such an apparently important person had cared to ask. “You can call me Lucas, if you’re more comfortable with it. Probably not, since you’re Japanese–I also go by Xuxi, just in case.”

Just as he wanted to laugh off his confusing –hopefully funny– introduction, Yukhei fell silent in front of the look of total perplexity on Yuta’s face. 

“What’s your name again?” 

“Just–whatever you want.” he finally said, much to Yuta’s enlightenment, and saw a small, rosy hand reaching out for his own.

“Nice to meet you, whatever I want. Let’s work hard together.”

 

Three days into the wild and tiring rehearsal for the main fashion event in Tokyo, Yuta had already found way too many things to be pissed about. The number of people trying to befriend him, as usual, the lack of organization and that not-so-veiled racism that seemed to be directed to his young backstage roommate were a big, unbearable issue alone, but Doyoung just had to make everything worst. He had lost counts of the times they had fought on the phone and, to be completely honest, the number of times he would have punched the younger man in the face if he only could. The only thing managing to hold him and somehow erase the negativity around him was Taeil, the only right thing Doyoung had done for him over the past year. Taeil had Doyoung’s blind trust and he was a smart, loving and polite man who had much to thank the young millionaire for, hence he didn’t blink an eye when Doyoung offered him to become Yuta’s personal assistant, somehow a manager, to follow him around and organise his schedules paying meticulous attention to the toxicity of people trying to work with him. Yuta never wanted an assistant -let alone being forced to accept one- but Taeil was the kind of person no one could possibly dislike and not even Yuta, with his severe working policy and general disinterest for the industry as a whole, could be an exception. Only a few months into the beginning of their forced collaboration he had grown fond of the older, learnt his story and respected it, wished someday he could have enough money to pursue his dreams instead of following someone like him around like a shadow.  

As the hard rehearsal period proceeded, then, Yuta had to admit the strange boy from Hong Kong had managed to become some kind of useful distraction too. Yukhei, or whatever his name was, was nothing like the typical kind of person he was used to meeting at work. It was also funny that he managed to stand out the most when he shut his mouth closed and just walked, tall and confident, something that would only happen during rehearsal anyway. 

 

Everything was different for Yukhei. He was trying to have fun as he always did, he stayed unaware of the number of people bad-mouthing him and his skin tone and kept in touch with his parents and close friends to update them on his incredible experience. He even managed to solve things up with his girlfriend with a few calls during free time. He missed them all. He missed Jaehyun and he even missed Johnny, whom he only shortly met: he missed the fact those people seemed happier around him, he missed the feeling of sharing his endless positivity with someone who seemed eager to accept it.

Out of loneliness and taking advantage of the fact that they would have shared the dressing room for about a week more, Yukhei decided to bet it all on Yuta. As days passed by, the boy tried his best to involve Yuta in little requests for help, work discussions, lunches or dinners, even if just to have someone to talk with. But he always failed. At first, he thought Yuta was simply too professional and busy to hang out with him, then he thought that maybe the man was just too shy. Just finally he thought that maybe, just maybe, Yuta didn’t like him. He quickly discarded the idea, though, because Yuta was so nice and his manners those of a true prince. His altruism shined through his bossy manners whenever needed.

 

Yuta, he decided, was simply too hard to impress. 

 

He started surfing the internet to learn anything he needed to know about the older but much to his surprise, there was nothing he could count on if not the works Yuta was credited on, mainly photoshoots and magazines. Yuta seemed to have fans all over the net but no sources to feed them if not an Instagram account captioned with a sharp ‘Taeil hyung runs this page, please be kind to him.’ which was apparently nothing more than a rarely updated blog with some photos Yuta’s assistant took of him (and landscapes in between).  Kind of defeated, Yukhei texted Jaehyun on the matter, hopeful an insider could tell him something more, but everything the man told him was 'Just be yourself and try finding out yourself, don’t treat him as an idol', and that was probably what Yukhei needed to hear as motivation.

 

“You free tonight?” he asked Yuta on Saturday evening, faking nonchalance, but only received a questioning look in return. “I thought we could go watching something in theaters, you know. Do you like movies? I love movies .”

“In Japanese?” Yuta destroyed his hopes with the same -this time true- nonchalance, raising a brow.

Yukhei didn’t give up, “Well, I know some Japanese.”

“Do you?” the actual Japanese dazed off for a second, before shrugging and offering him a small smile. “Let me know if you get something, then.”  

 

The next day, Yukhei thought of some other way to catch up with Yuta that didn’t involve an unknown –to him– language, but before he could even talk, the man had fallen into a passionate discussion with Taeil about what seemed to be a European football team. So he learnt Yuta was into football, terrible news for him, who had always been a great athlete in anything but football. 

On Monday, he tried something nice to befriend Yuta and brought all three of them some KFC baskets. After having received and gladly accepted Taeil’sgratitude, Yukhei walked to Yuta with a box of chicken wings and a cola in a glass bottle, frowning as he saw the man already eating some vegetables. 

“Aren’t you joining us?” he asked, stretching out the red box with his brightest smile. Yuta shook his head with a little, polite smile.

“I hate coke and I don’t eat that.”

“Oh. Are you a vegetarian?” 

“I’m not. I simply don’t eat _that_.” 

From his position from the couch, Taeil sighed as he saw Yukhei unconvinced, about to ask more. 

“Doesn’t that mean you are a vegetarian...?” 

To that, Yuta gracefully put his chopstick down and took a breath. He looked up at Yukhei, “I have no issue with meat whatsoever, I love it, actually, although I like sushi and fish generally more, I just don’t like to stuff my body with unhealthy fats and chemical ingredients that will destroy my immune system in around ten years. I prefer to stay healthy and beautiful and keep my heart in shape so no, I’m not a vegetarian, I just don’t eat _that_.”

That being said, Yuta put three fingers on the red box and gently pushed it -and Yukhei with it- away from him. The younger had long fallen silent, defeated, and only Taeil’s pitiful look made him feel slightly better. 

 

Next time he tried bringing Yuta lunch, Yukhei brought grilled fish. 

 

“Don’t you see he’s trying so hard to impress you?” 

Yuta found Taeil’s question incredibly random, “Who.” 

“Yukhei?” 

“Why should him.” Yuta frowned before scoring the winning goal on his phone and jumping from the couch with a short, proud yell of victory. He tossed the object on the couch then, setting questioning eyes on Taeil’s concerned expression. “What.” 

“You’re being quite an asshole.” the man pointed out. “Why are you so hard on him? He’s nice, trying to be friends.” 

To that, Yuta rolled his eyes, “He is nice, indeed, but I’m not eleven and I need no friend.”

“I know about your work policy-” Taeil stopped, always trying so desperately hard to hide his uneasiness regarding that unhealthy way of living. He never knew if it was about Yuta having zero trusts in people aside from his family, Taeil himself and Doyoung, or simply about Yuta hating anyone apart from them. Perhaps both. 

Still, his role was to put some sense in Yuta’s head when he could. Hopeful, he tried again. “Free wine for the entire week if you try to be nice to him.”

Yuta tensed at that, although Taeil didn’t notice, and the Yukhei issue fell at the back of his mind.

 

“I don’t care what you want, I’m going.”

“Why do you even care? You hate Fashion Weeks.”

“Because you want to keep me home and I fucking hate that, Doyoung.”

With Doyoung, everything was an unchanging type of suffocating. His obsessive need to protect Yuta had seemed nice the first month, maybe even less than that, but it started driving Yuta crazy immediately after. The way the younger wanted to prevent him from attending events abroad when Doyoung couldn’t join had become the breaking point for Yuta and for months now, everything they did was arguing. That night too, Doyoung tried to solve things out pleading the older to calm down because he well knew, if he lost his temper too, things would have gone worse.

“I’m just concerned.” Doyoung admitted as he tried to get a hold of Yuta’s hands. But the older drifted away, averting his gaze. He knew that song already.

“You’re more concerned about me than I am, this–“ Yuta sighed, “is it even okay?”

To Doyoung, it made no sense. He remembers their first meeting as it was only yesterday, although two years had passed by already, and he could not believe that Yuta couldn’t see the world as they used to see it back then anymore, together: a place to hide from, a place in which they had to protect each other. He fell silent just like that, collecting his belongings and making to leave without a word more as Yuta just listened without looking. He hated that densed silence between them. He would have expected Doyoung to say something before leaving, anything giving him the slightest deception of victory, but the younger simply closed the door behind him without a word.

Yuta knew he had won -that he was going to Hong Kong- but it still didn’t feel like victory.

 

The upcoming afternoon seemed the greyer he had faced in months, and not even work seemed much of a distraction. Yuta cut interactions with anyone to the bare minimum, knowing himself enough to know in days like those, he could get dangerous.

Unfortunately, Wong Yukhei could not know.

“I thought we could kill time together,” the boy announced, bright, as he entered the room with a guitar in hands. He took a seat on his chair, always unaware of the looks of tolerance Yuta sent him whenever he acted so bold, and beamed at him, “Did you know I can play?”

“How could I.”

Smiling silly, Yukhei did not lose his smile and played the first few chords, which Yuta immediately recognized as Queen’s amazing hit ‘Another One Bites The Dust.’. The choice impressed him, at least, and Yukhei couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Yuta humming to the tune, eventually singing along a moment later. Yuta may have had no idea Yukhei could play some instruments, but Yukhei had no idea Yuta had such a beautiful singing voice. For the younger, it was a big step forward. It was such a step forward he thought he would jump down a cliff just to see Yuta giving up to the music like that, singing for him like he had forgotten everything around them.

Later that night, Yuta found himself thinking of the song they had sung together and couldn’t help thinking how absurdly fitting it was, for such a casual choice. Did he want to be one of those who hit the dust? Did he want to fall under the weight of that rotten industry, of Doyoung’s concern and the fear of being hurt again? He didn’t, and he had to admit Yukhei was unknowingly helping him a lot to remember. Starting from their shared love for music, the thoughtless attention the boy was giving him somehow drew them closer without Yuta never really noticing. He still didn’t like the idea of letting someone in, but Yukhei seemed to be so sincere, still trying hard to impress him but never doing it selfishly and to Yuta, that was enough.

The initial tolerance for the young giant almost seemed to have changed into something like acceptance. 

 

During the break between Tokyo and Hong Kong, Yuta finally accepted to share his phone number with Yukhei, making it a lot easier for them to communicate after two weeks of declined requests. 

Yukhei took advantage of a night when his girlfriend forced him to watch the ‘Titanic’ for the umpteenth time to send Yuta a short text with a cute puppy sticker greeting, to which the older replied four hours later with a “?” that made Yukhei pout.

 

 _‘I didn’t know how to start..’_ he wrote, using a crying face. 

 _‘So you sent the puppy doing the dirty job.’_ Yuta replied.

 _‘I think it’s very cute.’_ and Yukhei quickly added,  _‘Like you.’_

 _‘I’m gonna get rid of your number.’_ came the reply, _‘And of your body immediately after.’_

 _‘You’d miss me.’_ Yukhei joked and if Yuta was seriously replying with annoyance at such words, the younger was simply happy they were finally texting.

_‘Go to bed, you’re drunk.’_

The message made Yukhei smile on his bed, although he couldn’t know if Yuta was saying so to avoid the matter or not to be mean and send him to hell. He decided to play it cool, sleep totally gone even though his girlfriend was already sleeping tightly beside him. 

_‘What u doing?’_

_‘Why you people have to cut words so uglily?’_

_‘Saves time.’_

_‘Like you’re doing something deadly important.’_

_‘Who tells you I’m not?’_

_‘You’re texting me.’_

Yukhei replied without much thinking, realising only a moment later that he was being a little bit too cheesy, _‘I like texting you better than sleeping.’_

 _‘That’s why you pressured me for my phone number?’_ Yuta was replying fast, much to Yukhei’s surprise, and he also couldn’t help thinking his English was ridiculously on point.

_‘I also thought I could miss you.’_

_‘You saw me two days ago.’_ and to be honest, Yuta got really weirded out by such words: he was not used to missing people outside his family, let alone being the missed one.

_‘But I’m not gonna see you until late this month.’_

_‘Think of when you won’t be seeing me ever again.’_

To that, Yukhei frowned as such a possibility offended him.  _‘When the shows end?’_

_‘When the shows end.’_

_‘We’ll stay friends.’_

It meant a lot, it meant nothing. Yukhei just called Yuta a friend when Yuta had always considered Yukhei a mere acquaintance. Still, the boy’s words had been so gentle, almost childish, Yuta could not find the strength to reply the way he wanted. He shook his head, Yukhei waiting for his reply like he really needed a confirmation.

_‘Don’t eat too much junk food.’_

The younger boy would have lied if he said he expected anything different from Yuta. Still, he couldn’t help a smile, living in the enthusiastic fantasy that Yuta was simply too shy to be completely honest with him. 

 _‘I won’t, I promise.’_ he kept smiling, faltering as his girlfriend moved by his side and reached him, sleep-hugging him from behind. Yukhei stupidly realized he had even forgotten to be in company and set himself down, looking at the phone and writing a last text to the man. 

_‘I’m going, now. Night, Yuta-san.’_

_‘Goodnight.’_

_‘We’re eating together when you arrive?’_

Yuta’s reply was just his kind and still, it didn’t let Yukhei’s hopes down the way it probably should.

_‘If we’ll both be alive, we may.’_

To Yukhei, it was a big fat yes.

 

The following weeks, Yukhei managed to get back on track with university duties and his dear ones. He met his parents again after long and shared with them everything he still didn’t about his experiences in Seoul and Tokyo, about the nice food he had there, about Yuta and how excited he was to be part of such big events in his hometown too. Jaehyun was also going to come soon and this time, it was Yukhei's mother and him looking for the perfect place for Jaehyun to stay, something Yukhei wanted to do for Yuta as well. He gave up on the idea when Jaehyun reminded him the man depended on Kim Doyoung’s company and they probably had everything set since months already. Yukhei usually forgot about that detail and he blamed it on the fact that he barely heard Kim Doyoung’s name during his Tokyo experience, in the dressing room with Yuta and Taeil. Then again, it wasn’t like Yuta had opened up to him that much.

The day before the beginning of the rehearsal week in Hong Kong, he imagined Yuta to be in town already and texted him, unable to hold his excitement at the thought of finally seeing him again.

_‘I’m alive. What about you?’_

Yuta, of course, replied the text hours later, almost on purpose. He loved seeing how Yukhei never let go, wondered what was in the boy’s head, if it really was empty or if Yukhei had actually really come to care about him. And if so, why on earth? 

_‘I’m not joining you at McDonald’s, ever.’_

Yukhei couldn’t help an adoring laugh. He knew the man was kindly trying to decline, or playing hard to get, but what Yuta didn’t know was that the more elusive he was, the more Yukhei wanted to catch him. 

_‘Let me deal with it. Tonight, 9 PM, my place. I’ll send you the adress.’_

 

For the first time in months, Yuta couldn’t say no. Yukhei had cornered him and declining now meant to be rude and impolite toward the younger, toward a nice person who did him no wrong in the first place. He never replied the text but Yukhei made sure to organize everything anyway, certain Yuta would have come. He asked his mother for permission –a little too late, perhaps– but smiled triumphantly when the woman simply wished him to have fun. He then set the dining table outside the pretty terrace of his villa, surrounded by all beautiful kind of green, and called a Japanese old chef -a friend of the Wong- to offer Yuta a traditional culinary experience with the best sushi in Hong Kong. He told himself he would have brought the older to his parents’ restaurant if there was ever going to be a second time.

In all honesty, he had imagined their first dinner as something completely different, like the kind of dinner he was used having with his friends: theaters, fried chicken, bowling, all things Yukhei loved doing but seemed strangely inappropriate when it came to Yuta. He even thought they could have played some football but, as he asked Jaehyun about it, his friend told him it was probably inappropriate to play during working periods and risked an injury. Yukhei didn’t want to put Yuta in distress, and even though it all seemed a little bit too formal, he knew –for Yuta– it was worth it.

 

When Yuta arrived at the Wong’s villa, it was 9 o’clock and he was dressed up in a fine blue suit. He hadn’t planned to dress up in such a formal way but as Taeil looked up for the address Yukhei had sent, it turned out his ‘place’ was all over the internet and looked more like a royal castle than the kind of place he expected to eat with a nineteen years old. He felt like adapting. Now that he could see how really beautiful the place was, he couldn't help thinking it all felt like a date. He wondered why on earth Yukhei had to be so insistent on putting him in such situations.

Yukhei opened the door for him just a moment later, looking so bright and excited Yuta couldn’t help greeting back with a surrendered smile. It took him a mere minute to realise he was being walked to a mesmerizing terrace fully immersed in the green, with a perfectly set small table standing in the middle. He shook his head at the loss for words. A second after that, he also inevitably thought Yukhei was looking extremely handsome in his own suit, a black one. He had never expected them to be so in synchro about their outfit choice.

 

“If you wanted a date with me, you should have asked my father.” Yuta joked, tilting his head to the side as Yukhei laughed at first, then widened his eyes.

“Really?” 

“No, you idiot. It’s not even a date.” 

“Of course it’s not.” Yukhei supplied, followed by a nervous laugh Yuta couldn’t really translate. The taller boy then pointed at the chairs, moving a step forward but freezing as Yuta spoke up, “ You’re not going to move the chair for me, are you.”

“Of course I’m not.” 

Yukhei faked nonchalance the best he could but Yuta noticed, of course, and it made him roll his eyes. Perhaps, that was some kind of punishment for having thought the boy looked handsome just a minute earlier. Said boy was now pouring water into both their glasses and Yuta felt the urge to stop him, trapping his huge hands in between his own and forcing him to look at him in the eyes.

“Can you please stop? You’re acting as I own you something, it’s pissing me off.”

“I’m just trying to be polite.”

“You’re being too much.” Yuta reproached, “I thought we were friends, do you act this way with all your friends?” 

He realised his words a little too late and it made him feel weird, having said that ‘f’ word like suddenly, he really believed it. Yukhei, on the other hand, shook his head and smiled sheepishly, begging his pardon as not even him knew what was going on in his head. Yuta was right. They were, somehow, friends, and even though it felt like a goal to have Yuta joining him for dinner, it didn’t mean he had to feel so nervous.

“I’m sorry,” he said, still holding up a big smile, “ I just... missed you?”   

Yuta would have wanted to ask why, to know how could Yukhei miss him if all he ever did was to mistreat him, refuse him, and acted like they couldn’t be friends for some reasons. He didn’t, though. He said nothing because seeing Yukhei so nervous because of him and him only, made his throat go dry in guilt. That look of uneasiness and docility on Yukhei’s face, Yuta didn’t want to see it anymore. 

“What’s on the menu?” he grumbled, drinking some water before forcing the boy’s gaze back on him. Yukhei felt stupid, for too many reasons to even list them down, but he couldn’t refuse Yuta’s eyes when they looked so starry and sincere. For a moment, he felt like all the lights of the house had been shut down, only Yuta’s eyes remaining to light everything up.

“Guess.” he said then, with a slight challenge and of course, competitive Yuta could nothing but accept it. 

“If it’s fried food you better start running.”

“It’s not, silly. I know you.”

“Do you?” Yuta returned as those words hit him. How many people could say to know him? Four, four and no more, and they had accompanied him for almost all of his life. Yukhei beamed, humble enough to accept Yuta’s doubts.

“It’s sushi.” he smiled, and the way Yuta’s expression lightened up was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen in his life. It was such a rare sight, he thought, it was enough to make him happy.

“Really?”

“Really.” 

Yuta hummed, going to rest his chin on his palm as he set his most intense gaze on Yukhei who, in return, almost tried to shelter himself in a self-hug. There was nothing more than the space of two bottles between them and it was unusual of Yuta to accept and even initiate such proximity.

“Seems like you know me a bit, after all.” 

For what Yukhei knew, Yuta could be joking around and it would still make him sincerely happy. The older couldn’t help a big laugh when he saw the dumbfounded expression of surprise on Yukhei’s face and the younger realised, with surprise, that the two most beautiful things he had ever seen had both happened in those mere minutes.

 

- 

 

The next days marked the beginning of a new rollercoaster ride for Yukhei.

Higher in spirit than ever after his dinner with the older, he faced the exhausting rehearsals better than ever, motivated to give his 110% while working in his own city, the city he wanted to make proud as it was of his parents. Taeil then minded to inform him that Yuta had accepted to post a photo of the two of them on ‘his’ Instagram account and Yukhei couldn’t believe his ears, eyes, everything. The photo was nothing more than a shot of them both facing the mirrors of their dressing room, there was no interaction or any kind of proximity but he knew –and Taeil knew as well– that if Yuta had accepted to have Yukhei’s face on his account, it had to mean something.

Something that, apparently, reached Yukhei's girlfriend and made her fall into some king of jealousy oblivion. Since then, Sunny and he spent each day arguing due to all the doubts and fears she was suddenly feeling. Yukhei didn’t even understand why, all of sudden, if it was because of the fact he had been so busy because he remembered something similar already happening during his staying in Seoul. He thought it could be blind jealousy -as Sunny had always been jealous of all his co-workers and even college colleagues- but he really couldn’t understand what had happened now that he had done absolutely nothing to arouse her discomfort. Yukhei had simply worked and it wasn’t that new. Eventually, he found out the problem was Yuta.

 

“You’re just obsessed with that man.”

At first, Yukhei couldn’t really understand what she meant. It all became clear the moment she pronounced the word ‘gay’.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he raised his voice at that, offended his girlfriend could sound so aggressive while talking about such a nice person as Yuta.

“He’s gay. He’s gay and you just, I don’t know, you like him way too much.”

At a loss for words, Yukhei stared at her like he suddenly only wanted to erase her name from his memory. “So we’re guessing people's sexuality, now, great.”

“I don’t care about his goddamn sexuality, I care about the fact that _you_ seem to care way too much!”

Yukhei could nothing but feel weird about that all, at the point he couldn’t even find the proper words to try calming her down. Sunny did it by herself, cutting the argument off and leaving him alone claiming she was done. They were young, Yukhei knew it, and it wasn’t like he had many serious relationships in his life, but he still couldn’t believe the way _that_ got over.

He tried chilling down, going for a run as he usually did when dealing with a huge amount of stress, and thanked the beautiful landscape of Hong Kong as the refreshing autumn air messed up his hair and reordered his ideas. What hurt him the most, he realised, was that he had never cared about Yuta’s sexuality. He had never looked at him with that kind of interest, for how beautiful he found him to be, and he didn’t like being accused of things he had never done. Right then, in a flash of pure self-honesty, Yukhei wondered if such thoughts hadn’t been hidden in the depth on his mind, until then. If he unconsciously ever thought of Yuta as something different than a handsome co-worker he was trying to get close to. A head full of thoughts, he went back home later that night wondering if he would have found any texts from Sunny.

The only text he found, though, was from Yuta.

_‘I almost worry when you don’t wish me goodnight._

_I hope your fried chicken hasn’t killed you._

_Goodnight.’_

Nothing in that text contained answers about Sunny’s doubts and yet, what hit Yukhei the most was the twist in his stomach he felt reading the text through. The very first text Yuta had sent him not as a reply. The first thing Yuta had ever done to prove that maybe,  _maybe_ , he cared about the younger. 

Yukhei now simply couldn’t help wondering why he was smiling when his private life had just been twisted around completely.

 

 


	2. HONG KONG

Two years earlier, Yuta made a promise to himself and he made it in front of his reflexion in the mirror in the darkest time of his life. The time he met Doyoung. He promised to always put honesty before pride, even when it seemed hard to. He remembered his promise when he admitted to himself his acceptance towards Yukhei had grown into something much deeper.  
He didn’t even know how it happened, when it was he had suddenly started to naturally call Yukhei a friend, to miss his insistent texts and goofy person around him in the waiting room as he tried to impress him.  
At the beginning of the Hong Kong Fashion week, in fact, Yukhei was looking so grey Yuta could barely recognize him and he hated to admit it, but he got worried. The young boy seemed to have all the intentions of going through whatever it was alone, and Yuta respected it, stayed quiet and distant, considering the idea of simply being there for him if he ever needed.  
The truth was that Yukhei didn’t know what to do anymore. The idea that Sunny, nothing more than a young girl who had done him no wrong, could have felt some kind of betrayal even before Yukhei could do anything and –on top of everything– be right about his ‘obsession’ for Yuta was upsetting. It made Yukhei feel guilty and he hated the idea of having hurt her.  
A part of him wondered if he had really changed, since that evening in Seoul, if Sunny had felt it in ways Yukhei didn’t because she truly cared about him, or if the whole Yuta issue had just been an excuse to hide the fact she was feeling left behind. Whatever it was, Yukhei was feeling happier than ever since his Seoul experience and the fact that Sunny was seeing something different made him realise it was probably the best to part.  
Unconsciously, when things got too unbearable, he would still look for another pair of eyes anyway.

“How do you say ‘You’re beautiful’ in Japanese?” he asked Yuta one morning, a few hours before the third day of the Hong Kong Fashion Week. Yuta lifted his eyes up from some magazine he was reading and found Yukhei looking at him with eyes big and heedful.  
“I thought you knew some Japanese.”  
Yukhei pouted, moving his chair closer as Yuta went back to his reading like nothing happened.  
“I want to learn new languages, for real. To grow smarter.”  
“Yukhei and smarter in the same sentence?”  
“Yuta...”  
The older returned his gaze on him, slightly faltering as he noticed Yukhei was a lot closer now. “あなたは美しいです”, he surrounded and said, as slow as he could.  
“あなたは美しいです..?”  
“Be more confident.”  
“あなたは美しいです.”  
“Better.”  
To that positive comment, Yukhei couldn’t help a smile and started repeating the sentence in low voice to practice well. He was expecting Yuta to assist him but the older had already gotten back to his magazine, making him pout again. Although it was usually Yuta the one observing his surrounding meticulously, this time it was Yukhei taking advantage of their proximity to studying Yuta’s face in detail. The older was focused, forehead slightly tensed and full lips pressed together in a sort of contemplative pout. Yukhei thought it was the first time he could look at him like that, without those starry eyes stealing all of his attention, and he loved how he could focus on Yuta’s long, dark lashes, the shape of his nose and the plumpiness of his rosy lips. He didn’t even realise it but a hand had flown up to the other’s face, to remove long bangs from the man’s sight, and was forced to notice when Yuta jumped, taken aback.

“あなたは美しいです.” he repeated again, so stupidly and honest, but Yuta didn’t seem to get the compliment.  
“Why are you touching me.” he demanded, and Yukhei blinked.  
“I’m—I’m sorry.”  
He mentally cursed how stupid he had been because Yuta was looking so pissed and scolding, he would have probably punched him in the face if he could. At least, Yukhei thought so. But Yuta did nothing, simply glaring until he decided to break the tension and speak up, “You look strange.”  
Yukhei frowned at that. He raised a brow as he wanted to ask more, but the older supplied by himself a second later, “Something is off?”  
In all honesty, Yukhei did not know.  
“I don’t know.” he replied then, instinctively looking for the warmth of Yuta’s hand and melting a bit when Yuta didn’t push away. Just once, the other had decided to be there for him and him only, a feeling Yukhei couldn’t easily digest without feeling his stomach twist. What hit him the most, was the look in Yuta’s eyes, that kind of gentle gaze attempting to erase all the pain. To have Yuta there with him, close to his stupid problems, was unexpected and beautiful.  
“Can I ask you something?” he decided to attempt then, thinking it was probably a now-or-never possibility he was being given. Yuta nodded, and Yukhei tried to be brave, “Why do you hate being touched this much?”  
It probably sounded like a very stupid question, which could be answered with whatever reason, but Yukhei knew –he just felt it since he had started noticing how Yuta wanted human contact to be the bare minimum– that it was something serious. He didn’t know if he was right -if the older wanted to share- but something seemed to meltdown again inside him when Yuta didn’t refuse to speak up.  
“It changed, everything did-” the man began after a short while, “the day I met Doyoung.”  
Yukhei knew nothing about it, about them, if not what Johnny had told him that night: Nakamoto Yuta was Kim Doyoung’s favourite. The fact that Yuta seemed ready to share a story with him, however, made him more attentive than ever.  
“I always wanted to be a farmer, buy a small land and live with anything the earth decided to give me. Nothing more than that, just nature and me. I started working hard to get there and financially help my family at the same time, particularly after graduation, but nothing seemed to be enough, ever. Eventually, I found out I was making more money with my casual modeling experiences than after three years working for a flower shop. I pursued this career. And I hated it, I still kind of do. I hate the people and I hate that it seems mandatory to sell yourself to someone in order to get the smallest glimpse of success. Someone -more than just one actually- tried to convince me it was the only way to make it really big and every time I turned them down, doors simply closed. That day, my devil was just being more insistent than any I ever met. I got cornered after a very stupid series of misfortunes and we were left alone where no one could have done anything. It just got to me, it petrified me, how well I knew his intentions.”  
Right then, Yuta’s voice got empty, just as his eyes, yet a small smile formed on his lips as he continued, “I think it would have really happened, you know. That. But Doyoung happened to be there, he found us and I never knew how or why-I never cared to know. He just appeared, took that horrible person away from me and the first thing I knew was that he seemed scared of him. As cornered as I was, I still saw that man begging for that boy’s forgiveness and being kicked out by him. He even threatened to destroy his life. It took me days to understand Doyoung was a powerful young man, and he was probably one of the very few to use that power the right way. To help people, and not to destroy them.”  
If anything killed Yukhei more about the story he was listening to, it was the way Yuta’s glassy eyes found his own, right then. Like he was the guilty one. “I’m so sorry I’m telling you this.” Yuta whispered, “You’re so young-you should never get to know this side of the world.”  
Yukhei refused to let him apologise any further. He gently stroked the corner of Yuta’s eyes, wiped off his shy tears and simply held his hand tighter, held his everything closer. He knew there was nothing he could do to make it really easier for the older, but being given the chance to take such a step was so important Yukhei just knew he didn’t want to move back ever again. Yuta smiled shyly and it killed him, just a bit more.  
“Doyoung has taken me under his protection ever since,” the older continued, “and I was glad to him as I am today, but I hated it as I hate it today. I hate how helpless it makes me feel. I hate how small and frail it makes me feel, the fact that we’re both so scared of the shit out there I don’t feel like I’m living anymore.  
I don’t know what you’re going through, just... don’t let it knock you down.”  
The strength in Yuta’s altruism he couldn’t even see, the power in his words and the way he fondly wished Yukhei to never feel the same kind of pain, Yukhei felt his heart tightening at it all.  
“You can’t plan it.” the younger boy whispered, “The way you lose, the way you fall. It can happen in seconds and then you’re starting over again. That’s the point, though...To never stop.”  
He couldn’t stop it, again, the hand that flew to Yuta’s soft hair in order to leave a single, gentle touch on his head.  
The older smiled, almost as such words could help them both no matter how different their background was, and returned the ephemeral touch with a small one on Yukhei’s hand.

Yukhei would have been a liar if he denied the things he felt right then, with Yuta: the moment was beautiful, Yuta was beautiful, his heart was beautiful and even if his own heart probably truly betrayed Sunny before his mind could even foresee it, Yukhei couldn’t feel guilty about something that just felt to right.

-

Yuta was ready to say it aloud: he knew it was time to break free and talk to Doyoung. He admittedly feared it like nothing else in the world but as their friendship was facing hardship after hardship, Yuta knew he couldn’t see it destroyed, living in their fears. Most importantly, Doyoung couldn’t hold him still because of them. He knew the younger man never had malicious intentions, he knew Doyoung simply couldn’t think of any other way to protect him –with the amount of time they never spent together because of work– but Yuta had still got to the point in which both Doyoung and the world felt the same kind of suffocating. It happened he looked at Yukhei during work, noticed how young and carefree he seemed, and felt unable to be jealous yet somehow craved the same carefreeness, the same hope, the same brightness long lost. Was it too late for him, or could he really go back to his twenty years old self with a different perspective, accepting that the rotten parts of the world were still not enough to prevent flowers like Yukhei to bloom.

“You’re Disgust.” Yukhei joked on the last evening of the Fashion Week, which he previously called ‘movie night’. The boy’s choice had fallen on 'Inside Out'.  
“Said that again and I'll kill you in your sleep.”  
“You should sleep with me first.” Yukhei looked at Yuta so stupidly the older almost slapped his head.  
“I’ll pretend I haven’t seen that.”  
“That what.”  
“That pervert look which made you look incredibly ugly.”  
Yukhei simply scoffed at the insult, visibly hurt to his core. “You just insulted my best flirting face.”  
Yuta faked an apologetic look, bringing a hand to pat Yukhei’s head and fighting him the moment the younger caught that same hand and made to bite it. “Don’t you dare to poison me with your saliva!”  
“See? You’re Disgust, you can’t deny it.”  
“I’m about to kick you out your own place.”

Whenever Yukhei lived moments like those with him -of pure simplicity- he couldn’t help thinking of the way it all had begun. How Yuta always seemed annoyed by his presence, how everything he did always seemed wrong and how, weeks later and after an incredible amount of significative changes, Yuta’s smile had become his daily need. Yukhei had long come to realise that not only he would have given his everything for it, but he also wanted Yuta to understand it.  
In retrospect, Yukhei only felt guilty about the way things had ended with Sunny, because a part of him simply knew she had been right all along.  
Since he had decided to leave his old romantic and sexual life in the past, Yukhei couldn’t help himself from finally falling for each of Yuta’s features he had stupidly tried to ignore before. He noticed the shivers Yuta’s rare touch caused him, the perfection of his features and the beauty of the body he wasn’t afraid of looking at anymore. He had never looked at someone the way he looked at Yuta and that was how Yuta became his exception, his ideal type, the person of his dreams. It all happened slow and painful, with Yukhei desperately trying to hide it. What for, after all? Yukhei was not a kid anymore, he should have risked it all for things that were worth it.  
Since he had acknowledged Yuta to be his new dream, Yukhei swore he would have done everything to never lose him.

Yuta, on the other hand, had finally come to realise that no one -before or after Yukhei- ever tried to put a smile on his face with such insistence, without reserve or malice. Maybe he had been too hard on Yukhei and maybe he still was, at times, but seeing how the younger never gave up on him was such a pleasant feeling, Yuta thought he didn’t want to renounce to it. It was comfort taking a new form, it was hope taking a new form and it felt somehow incredible how it all changed him in less than two months.  
The way Doyoung welcomed Yuta the night of his last big launching event in Hong Kong while he drove him back to his hotel forced Yuta to look at his relationship with Yukhei under a whole new light. Which was to say: the light he had always forced shut.

“What are those.” he demanded with clear shock, staring at the box of condoms in Doyoung’s hands. The younger looked at him in a mix of anxious and apologetic, placing the box on his lap.  
“I just want to be sure you’ll be safe. Extra large-because he seems to need it.”  
Yuta felt almost obliged to react with disgust, if anything because Doyoung clearly was way ahead of him, and Yuta had unfairly judged him of being unable to let go.  
“I know we both thought this moment would have never come,” Doyoung began, almost sensing Yuta’s thoughts and reminding the older there was no one in the world as introspective as Kim Doyoung, “but I want you to be happy and if you ever feel like you’re ready, please, just go for it.”  
It wasn’t even written in the stars it would have really happened -that Yukhei wanted such a thing to happen in the first place- and that possibility twisted Yuta’s emotions the most. They got twisted even more when Doyoung smiled at the sight of Yuta accepting the condoms. For the first time, the man felt in his heart it was right. He realised he had been so stubborn and unstable, crushed down by the amount of unvoiced stress he had felt ever since the beginning of his real career, that he forgot just talking with Doyoung openheartedly could easily solve everything. And apparently, talking wasn’t even needed.  
Yuta hugged Doyoung as he meant it. He hugged his friend like the hero he never knew he needed and the friend he knew he couldn’t lose, even now that Yuta needed no protection anymore.

Later that night, as he fought an unwelcomed sleepless night, he thought about the new world Doyoung had shown him –the one Doyoung forced him to finally see– and defeatedly decided that he wanted it. He felt it in his bones, somehow, in the way he had never felt so comfortable with someone touching him –an acquaintance, a colleague, a friend– and the way Yukhei always looked at him like there was nothing dirty about it. He wanted Yukhei to dare walking closer and, he decided, it directly meant he had to have it.  
The moment he started imagining Yukhei’s hands in places where he never expected himself to want them, he got also forced to admit he knew nothing about the boy’s sexuality, nor he felt Yukhei was the type of boy to dare this much. Someone as skeptical as Yuta then found the game to be in his hands and, somehow, it excited him. It felt like finally taking a firm grip on his life, on his sexual life, and like he could finally picture who the person he wanted to seduce while working was, for the very first time. He imagined Yukhei’s eyes on him and no matter what he was wearing, no matter how seducing Yuta knew he was being, there was nothing he hated about it anymore. And if Yukhei liked him, if Yukhwi also wanted to touch him, he had to go way further than first-grade flirting.

-

Yukhei had always desperately tried to hide his deep attraction for his gorgeous colleague but now, Yuta felt comfortable enough to make it impossible for him. He was older, after all, he had suffered enough not to dare to move on and wish for something different and better. Pretending he didn’t want Yukhei to go crazy for him was not a thing anymore.  
It all started with the simplest things, like accepting the boy’s proposal of staying in Hong Kong a little bit longer so he could show Yuta places and let both of them relax after the exhausting period they had faced. Yukhei had organized a beautiful tour, walked Yuta everywhere he had stories to tell and food to try and Yuta loved listening to him. He always felt there was something extremely pure in the way Yukhei shared his childhood stories or still got excited over the food he knew well. There was something pure about Yukhei as a whole, and it was thrilling -it really was- how he tried to hold Yuta’s hand every time they took a sit like it was the first step to risk it all.  
One of those days, Yukhei also managed to arrange a photoshoot for his good friend Jaehyun who -needless to say- got quite a shock at the news Nakamoto Yuta would have been pleased to work with him. The photoshoot took place all around the city, as the three wandered around under Yukhei’s guidance and the photographer asked Yuta to pose every time he got inspiration.

Needless to say, Yukhei never felt himself facing such a life crisis as during those days.  
The proximity between Yuta and him, the way Yuta would not refuse his touches anymore, the way every cloth made him look irresistible no matter what he was wearing, the fact that he could admire Yuta at work without feeling uneasy and guilty anymore: everything translated into a growing, unbearable desire to have more.  
Yukhei now wondered how could Yuta look while sleeping, how would Yuta’s skin taste on his lips, how would it feel to have Yuta shivering as he touched that same, naked skin. It was all slowly driving him crazy and he wondered how stupid it was to hope for Yuta to want the same. He was pretty much sure it was a one-way attraction, if anything because he knew how uncomfortable Yuta had become with such things, and the last thing he wanted was to become one of those people in his eyes. Maybe, he thought, he just had to make Yuta understand how much he wanted him and how honest he was about it, even if it meant to be punched in the face once and forever. Since he had never been with a man before, the first thing Yukhei did one night at home alone, was attempting to watch a gay porno. It didn’t work much, primarily because none of the two was Yuta, secondarily because Yukhei honestly couldn’t learn how to have sex in such an obscene way.  
The only alternative he could think of was Jaehyun.  
He invited his friend out for some good ice cream, taking advantage of the fact that he was leaving Hong Kong the upcoming day. After a long, friendly talk in which Jaehyun didn’t miss his chance to thank Yukhei for getting him the chance to work with Yuta, the younger boy stretched his neck ad decided to speak up.  
“Hyung, about this.”  
Jaehyun nodded with a sweet smile-yet again he was always sweet when not at work and, somehow, Yukhei needed to see it.  
“We’re friends, aren’t we?” he asked stupidly, seeing the older nodding again with visible curiosity. He took a deep breath, trying to find his words. “You... know how men have sex? I mean, perhaps you do, you have so many gay friends and I wondered–I mean yeah, sex between them.”  
Jaehyun did nothing but raise a brow, his expression a soft kind of amused. Yukhei panicked, bur Jaehyun simply knowingly asked: “It’s about Yuta, isn’t it?”  
“I—” Yukhei would have liked to further elaborate -he really would- but Jaehyun’s words shocked him. “How do you know?”  
“I think everyone knows, Xuxi.”  
Yukhei felt incredibly stupid. Since he had accepted his attraction towards Yuta, everything he was trying to do was hide it, make it less obvious. Yet, if a friend he could barely meet during the past two weeks knew, how obvious did he look? And most importantly, did Yuta find it so obvious too?  
“It’s funny seeing you admitting it.” Jaehyun giggled then, to which Yukhei snorted.  
“Admit what?”  
“That you want to—I don’t know how to say it nice. Pollinate him?”  
Yukhei realised that would have been one hell of an afternoon.

Yuta eventually decided the fact that he had to tire himself to death to finally get Yukhei there to be annoyingly hilarious.  
Work was calling and there was not much time left before he had to leave Hong Kong and in all honesty, he didn’t want to fly away from Yukhei without having shared some intimacy first. Maybe he could never hope for a happy ending –he had long stopped believing in one– but he still knew he wanted Yukhei to be his first. He needed it. Almost like every good spirit in the universe could hear him, that afternoon Yukhei cared to make him notice he looked tired, drained out by the previous months of work and the last days of wandering, to the point Yukhei collected his courage and offered Yuta an exclusive massage session.  
All Yuta could think of was 'Finally'.  
“If he’s not going to fuck me now, I swear I’m not giving him a chance ever again.”  
The Japanese snorted fully resolute as he waited for his taxi, Taeil staring at him with mute concern. “I took the condoms, hyung. Don’t worry.”  
The gentle assistant needed to hear no more; he left a few pats on Yuta’s back and walked away, much to Yuta’s joy.

The impossibly long ride to Yukhei’s home saw Yuta doing nothing but imagine. He imagined the things he wanted to happen that night and how they could have felt if Yukhei really took him the way Yuta wanted. The fact was that, as usual, Yukhei had not invited Yuta over with any secondary intentions, too scared to dare too much and lose the most beautiful person he had ever known. He had simply gotten worried over Yuta’s health and wanted to help, trying to stay professional and friendly in a way a stressed Yuta could need. He got everything ready for that: he almost transformed his bedroom into a private SPA, with oils, bathrobe and white towels ready for use, scented candles on both his nightstands and nothing but a fresh, white sheet on the bed for Yuta to relax on.  
The moment the older walked inside the room, he almost couldn’t believe his eyes. Everything Yukhei had done so far was so cheesy and racy at the same time it made his hopes painfully high.  
“Doesn’t it look like a real SPA?” Yukhei welcomed him with a bright smile, proceeding to bow theatrically, “I’ll be your Thai boy for tonight.”

Yuta’s expectations crushed.

He really couldn’t help wondering what did he expect, after all. Because it was Yukhei and Yukhei was just like that, silly and childish and annoyingly cute. He forced a smile, not wanting to cut the boy’s enthusiasm off, but still couldn’t help side-eyeing the candles.  
“You should—” Yukhei couldn’t even finish his sentence that Yuta had already proceeded to the clothes removal, rushed but meticulous, until nothing but tight, blue boxers were left on. The young Thai boy gulped, “—undress yourself.”  
He reached the bed and watched, almost stared, as Yuta leaned down on his stomach apparently comfortable when in fact, the older was just forcing himself not to drag Yukhei down with him for a longed kiss. He wanted Yukhei to give up, he needed the boy to be sure he wanted it because if Yukhei didn’t, Yuta wasn’t sure of being able to face the slap in the face.  
“I’m waiting.” he mumbled, eyes shut closed, and just then Yukhei woke up from the trance Yuta’s toned back had made him fall into.  
In a mere minute, Yuta went from thinking he had taken expectations far too high to feel his stomach jump the moment Yukhei’s big, rough hands pressed on his shoulders, wet with the right amount of ointment to let his finger slide down his spine effortlessly. The younger boy had just begun, yet Yuta was already feeling his whole body melting under those touches. Incredibly precise, incredibly on point.  
Yukhei seemed to know where to go, where to push and where to stroke, where to find all the hurting spots to press and turn the man butter in his hands. He told himself he had started off with the best intentions but the way Yuta’s naked skin felt against his own was something so beautiful, Yukhei could have no idea. He kept going, from Yuta’s neck down to the lower back, his tired legs, his thin waist, and soft hips.  
How could Yukhei think it would have been easy to touch Yuta like that and not feel his heart jumping in his throat? Now, even if he tried acting as friendly and professional as ever, he was sure he wouldn’t have found the strength to stop.

“Keep going.” Yuta whispered, almost having him faltering for how lost in thoughts he was. He did as told, looking for Yuta’s side profile as he once again worked on his lower back, the point where all the fatigue hurt more. He saw how blissful Yuta looked, the shape of his closed eyes and the small space between his parted lips, something that made him look even more gorgeous in Yukhei’s eyes. Before he could even know, he had already leaned down and pressed gentle lips on Yuta’s cheekbone, guided by a desire he couldn’t control. The moment he heard the sound of that small kiss echoing in the silence of the room Yukhei froze, immediately thinking he may have dared too much and annoyed Yuta with his mindless action.  
But Yuta was silent, eyes still closed, almost like he hadn’t felt the touch when of course, he had. He felt it and it became clear the moment he moved, turned his body around and placed a hand around Yukhei’s neck. He did nothing more, just stared, but there was so much in his chocolate eyes Yukhei could not miss it anymore.

He finally closed the distance between their faces and kissed Yuta on the lips, gentle, but needy, his hands keeping the older tight against him to part his legs and place himself in between. He had been young, blind and silly, so consumed by his constant fear of hurting Yuta he missed the way they wanted each other hard enough to hurt. Yuta understood it all in their kiss, he sensed Yukhei melting down under his palms and he knew the boy wasn’t worried about his sexuality or his own feelings: he was worried about Yuta.  
It was beautiful. He found it beautiful enough to erase everything he had never wanted to store in his mind in the first place, missing a beat when Yukhei’s big hands flew to his chest and stroked gently. They kissed, and kissed, filling the room up with the sound of little smacks.

Yuta deepened the touch the moment Yukhei took a hold of his waist and pushed their bodies together. He parted his lips and felt the younger’s tongue entering his mouth almost naturally. He could not believe the beauty of the moment, the delicious taste of Yukhei’s tongue as he finally gave him that long-craved kiss. He was so lost in the heat of their closeness he realised Yukhei was looking like the most fascinating man on the planet, the only person who could fire him up, make him crave for more already. And because Yuta was a man of action, he wasted no time to make it happen.  
Yukhei enjoyed the beauty of their kiss, focused on touching every part of Yuta’s mouth. He was so focused the hands suddenly urging to take his jeans off caught him totally off guard. He looked down, at Yuta’s resolute face as he undressed him, and never felt so grateful in his life. It was more than proof, more than permission: it was Yuta silently telling him he had been an idiot for waiting so long and he couldn’t help a smile, a small, sincere one, that didn’t go missed.

“What are you smiling for?” Yuta asked in a whisper, looking at Yukhei in a way that only told Yuta knew. They found each other’s hands on their underwear, taking the last piece of clothes off their heated bodies so there was nothing left between them, nor literally or figuratively. Yukhei then did something Yuta never expected from him: he answered with nothing but action and kissed him again, contemporarily lifting his legs up enough to let their naked groins finally meet. It stole a low moan from both their mouths, sounds of pleasure that died tongue to tongue as Yukhei made it happen again, and again, and again.  
Yuta took hold of his hair and intensely explored his broad back, down to his hips and muscled legs, before eventually placing a hand between their bodies and just softly touching the tip of Yukhei's member with his thumb.

“Damn.”

He felt satisfied, seeking for Yukhei’s eyes to contemplate the beauty of his features in pleasure, but also taking advantage of the moment to stroke their legs together, delicate and seductive. “You should watch your mouth, baby boy.”  
Yukhei smiled against his lips, never thinking what he seemed to have waited for his entire life could come so beautifully natural.  
“Or what?” he returned, closing fingers around Yuta’s length and moving his hand as he himself liked, painfully slow. He got caught off guard again when Yuta suddenly pushed him away and reversed their positions, taking a sit on Yukhei’s crotch with his usual, feline grace.  
“Waste no more time,” he breathed on his neck, “You had me waiting for so long already.”  
“Had I really...?”  
Yuta stopped one breath from his face and Yukhei laughed lowly, gently stroking the older’s back to apologise for simply being his stupid self. But Yuta never looked angry, nor he looked like wanting to accuse him and instead, he kissed Yukhei again, slower and gentler, in perfect contrast with the lustful movement of his asscheeks against Yukhei’s now hard member. The younger could nothing but breathe. He placed his palms on those asscheeks to gently part them a few times, almost teasingly, then took advantage of the new kiss Yuta devoured his lips with to eventually slide a still well-lubrificated finger inside him, trying to fake confidence he was deeply missing. His worries didn’t last, though, because Yuta looked comfortable even now, he kept their kiss going and stroked his face with his fingertips in a beautiful, reassuring way. Yukhei swore he could feel Yuta’s smile against his, inviting him to give more because he was ready and he needed it, unwilling to see another second go wasted.  
“You’re so...” the younger kissed him again, unable to continue, and prepared the man as he could before it was Yuta himself to stop his hand and force Yukhei to stare, shivering in anticipation.  
“You look stupid.” he sweetly informed, then Yukhei saw a condom in his hands and he definitely did feel stupid. Both because he did not see it coming, and because he was lying there, with his member pulsing in need, eyes stuck on the most beautiful creature on earth like he found it hard to believe. But Yuta was finally his, right there, and his only.  
He got their positions changed again as soon as the condom was safe around him, then moved closer and smiled as the older lifted his own legs up to welcome him, naturally. Yukhei realised maybe he didn’t really need instructions, because even though it was his first time with a man, Yuta made it feel like they have been doing it for years. Together.

“You look beautiful.” he returned with a little delay, sweet enough to expect Yuta to scoff when all the man did was leaving a sweet kiss on the tip of his nose. Yuta then set himself against Yukhei’s hard member, their gazes melting just like their bodies the moment Yukhei pushed to enter Yuta in a slow, deeply needy thrust. It stole all the air from his lungs, the feeling of being completely devoured by Yuta’s hot flesh, but it was almost nothing compared to the expression that formed on the older’s face. Pure bliss, a mixture of pain and pleasure balancing each other and radiating from the way Yuta breathed out Yukhei’s name, hands grabbing his broad shoulders for support. Yukhei was mesmerized, so much he couldn’t even control himself from seeking for more, sliding inside Yuta deeper and kissing him hard and messy now that lucidity was completely gone.  
In mere minutes, there was nothing left to restrain them. Yuta’s body welcomed Yukhei’s member perfectly and the younger felt like never before, rough, sensual, guided by pure lust. He felt Yuta tightening around his member, his fingers and nails sinking into his skin every time he moved out and then pushed back, each thrust harder, deeper. He brought his hands to Yuta’s hips –those hips he was so crazy for– and moved them just enough to penetrate him better from a new angle that immediately stole a long moan from Yuta’s plump lips. Yukhei ate those lips at the sound, almost wildly thrusting inside his body to feel that pleasure vibrate against his tongue, inside his mouth, down through his entire body.  
“Yuta...”  
But Yuta hushed him with need, parted lips resting against the ones mirroring them, “Kiss me.”  
Yukhei did as told, wasting no time in thrusting inside him harder as their lips met for a new kiss-their new addiction, the sweetest yet strongest feeling they both ever felt. Not only with one another, but in their lives as a whole.

-

The moment they both reached their orgasms -the second for Yukhei, to be completely honest- the younger almost immediately feared the magic of such a wonderful moment could disappear, cease to exist because he had just lived the most beautiful moment of his life and from then on, things could only worsen. A stupid fear, silly as the look on his face the moment Yuta hugged him, covered both their sweated bodies with white sheets and gently rested his head on his chest, from where he could perfectly hear the sound of Yukhei’s pumping heart.  
The man brought a finger in the middle of his chest, eyes now looking for the other through his messy bangs. “You should stop eating fried chicken, for real. Your heart is strained.”  
Words of care, sweet and unexpected, that forced Yukhei to feel said heart doing a deathly jump. He held Yuta tighter, almost fearing he could disappear from one moment to another, and let out a sheepish laugh. The older raised a brow, kind of scolding.  
“Sorry, I just-” Yukhei could not find words, yet he could leave a soft touch on Yuta’s cheek and apologise with a little kiss, “I’m just happy. My heart is perfectly fine.”  
Yuta didn’t know if he could believe it but said nothing. Instead, he studied the expression of bashfulness mixed with happiness on Yukhei’s cute face. He wondered if it was possible, that the young man who had just made him feel Heaven was already back to his original, goofy self and most importantly, if Yuta could like him more. He disturbed the younger with a fingertip pressing on his nose, deciding it was enough only when Yukhei kissed him again.  
Yuta thought it was the best compromise they could ever reach: no arguments, every time they would do something to annoy or disappoint the other they could make it up with sex, kisses and whatever both of them could find out to like afterward. Yukhei looked at him like he could read his mind, for once, his fingers playing with his dark hair. He would have liked to say so much, tell Yuta he had been falling for him in a way that couldn’t be explained since the very first day, tell him he was wonderful both in and out and Yukhei would have liked to kiss him over and over until their lips could burn. Yet, as Yuta held his gaze with those huge eyes, he realised that nothing was needed. They could just enjoy the sound of silence, let it lull them to sleep in each other’s arms and wake up with a new kiss in the morning, knowing many others had to come.  
It was kind of a first time for both but they knew it felt natural, simple and easy because they wanted the same things. It didn’t matter how long the list was, they didn’t need to name everything on it, or wonder when it would have happened again, where they would have been in a year or two.  
Yuta was looking at him like he could promise him the world and Yukhei fell just a little more, answering with a smile that simply told him,

_“I don’t want you to promise, I want you to live with me.”_

-

Yukhei was young and he was a dream-chaser, but he also worked extremely hard no matter the goal or the nature of the task, and his parents knew it well. It was one of the infinite reasons why they were proud of him, respected his dreams –each and any of them– and would have supported his every choice. Not that he had his plans for the future perfectly pictured already, but Yukhei knew Yuta would have been part of them. Ever since the older had told him his story, their dreams had started to collide. A little land, all theirs, a life made of the purest things consumed far away from all the rotten lands where flowers couldn’t bloom anymore. Yukhei, just as Yuta, knew the road to such achievements was still long and they had to work hard to get there, yet the safe thought of heading there together, growing together hand in hand, was beautiful enough keep strong.  
All Yuta needed was to have the younger close, and he felt deeply grateful when Doyoung made it possible, offering him to move to Hong Kong to run his private, personal agency in the city and help him with his club. It didn’t really mean anything to him, to change his place, city or country. His home would have always been Osaka, with his family: everything else was just roads and sky. To Yukhei, on the contrary, it could have meant everything to have Yuta close, even if he knew the distance could not scare him. He was young –and in love– and he would do everything just to see Yuta an hour a month, kiss him again, make love to him and remind him for the umpteenth time, he was beautiful.

It was late December when Doyoung decided to hold his first, big exclusive Christmas party in one of his clubs. In Hong Kong, precisely.  
The thought of working on Christmas Eve didn’t bother Yuta as it didn’t bother Yukhei, because they both knew it meant to meet again and spend their first Christmas together. Yukhei had just arrived to their now usual shared dressing room when he found it to be surprisingly empty, only a small red letter leaning against his mirror.  
‘To my baby boy’, he read, and his heart missed a beat already.

 _“Do you remember the day you introduced yourself to me?_  
_I got so confused over your many names –you got too– but months later I still haven’t forgotten a single word we’ve shared, not even the dumbest things you’ve said. Do you remember? Thinking about it now, I think my heart belonged to you ever since. We simply had no clue, and I’m glad you never gave up on me._  
_Now I think I could call you whatever, being it Lucas, Yukhei, Xuxi... I could call you any kind of name and it wouldn’t change the fact that I’m falling for you._  
_I think this is why I finally chose what to call you, and it’s 'whatever I want'._

 _PS: You better open the door and kiss me,_  
_today and all the other days to come.”_

Although his stomach was twisted with all kind of beautiful emotions, the moment Yukhei opened that door he just knew everything had gotten better. He saw Yuta smiling like never before, so bright and wide the entire world could have been healed, and Yukhei hold him tight –kissed him deeply– with the beautiful feeling of never having to spend another day without him.

“Would you mind me staying here forever?” Yuta asked his first stupid question ever, unashamed because he was stupidly in love and it felt amazing.  
He needed no answer, though, and smiled again when his young love only giggled, knowing they both knew already.


End file.
